The AbCruncher Infinity: A Medieval Torture Device Marketed as Exercise Equipment
This ab machine promises a six-pack in six weeks. The only thing it delivered in six weeks was a referral to my chiropractor and a deep sense of regret.
The AbCruncher Infinity arrived in a box covered in photos of impossibly toned models who have clearly never been within 50 feet of this product. The tagline reads: "Sculpt Your Core, Transform Your Life." A more accurate tagline would be: "Sculpt Your Insurance Claim, Transform Your Spinal Column."
Assembly took three hours and required tools not included in the box and not available at any hardware store I could find. The instruction manual is written in what appears to be English that has been translated from Mandarin via Google Translate circa 2009. Step 7 reads, and I quote: "Attach the leverage arm to the fulcrum nodule with pleasing firmness." I still do not know what a fulcrum nodule is.
The Exercise Experience
“" A more accurate tagline would be: "Sculpt Your Insurance Claim, Transform Your Spinal Column”
Click to TweetUsing the AbCruncher Infinity feels like being folded in half by a very enthusiastic robot. The motion is not a crunch — it is a collapse. Your body goes from upright to fully compressed in a movement so unnatural that my spine made sounds I have never heard from a human body. Think of the noise a glow stick makes when you snap it. That, but from your lower back.
The resistance settings range from "nothing" to "assault." There is no in-between. Level 1 offers zero resistance; you flop back and forth like a fish. Level 2 requires the core strength of an Olympic gymnast. I pulled a muscle on Level 2 during my first session and spent the next week walking like a parenthesis.
The Verdict
The AbCruncher Infinity is the fitness equivalent of a horoscope: it promises transformation but delivers nothing except false hope and mild physical discomfort. Save your $299 and do regular crunches on the floor like a normal person. Your spine will thank you.
What to Buy Instead
Tried-and-tested alternatives that actually deliver on their promises. We may earn a small commission on purchases.
Ab Wheel Roller
Simple, effective, and it will not fold you like a lawn chair. $15 well spent.
Yoga Mat
All the floor exercises, none of the machine-inflicted injuries. Just you and gravity.
Resistance Band Set
Versatile, portable, and physically incapable of injuring your spine.
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