Baby & Kids
Children deserve the best. These products are the opposite of that. We expose the baby gear and kid products that make parenting even harder than it already is.
Ad
The Baby Mop: A Onesie with Mop Pads That Turns Your Crawling Infant into an Unpaid Janitor
Finally, a child labor loophole — if the baby doesn't know it's working, is it technically exploitation? (Yes. The answer is yes.) ⭐ Rating: 1/5 | Category: Baby & Kids | Tone:...
Pee Wee Pumps: High Heels for Infants Who Cannot Walk, Stand, or Understand Why You've Done This to Them
Soft-soled high heels for babies aged 0-6 months — an age group whose primary locomotive achievement is rolling over, and whose opinion on footwear has not been solicited ⭐...
The Wipes Warmer: Peak First-World Anxiety in Appliance Form — What If Baby's Butt Is Slightly Chilly?
A $30 heated box that dries out wipes, wastes counter space, and creates a warm-wipe dependency that will haunt your child's daycare transition ⭐ Rating: 1/5 | Category: Baby &...
The WhyCry Baby Crying Analyzer: A $100 Device That Tells You Your Baby Is Crying, Which You Already Knew
A gadget that claims to analyze cry sounds and tell you WHY your baby is crying, but actually just cycles through 5 generic reasons with the diagnostic accuracy of a Magic...
Creepy Crawlers Oven: The Easy-Bake for Boys Except It Burned Children and the Fumes Were Toxic
A 1960s toy that gave children access to a hot plate heated to 300°F and a substance called 'Plastigoop' that nobody should have been allowed to name, let alone inhale ⭐ Rating:...
Marvel Hulk Gamma Smash Fists: A Toy Where the Selling Point and the Injury Mechanism Are the Same Word — SMASH
Giant foam-padded fists that let kids punch things at full force, with insufficient warnings about the blunt force trauma that occurs when children punch each other at full...
Orbeez and Water Beads: Tiny Candy-Colored Beads That Expand 100x Inside Your Toddler's Intestines
They look like candy. They feel like jelly. They expand to marble-size inside a child's digestive tract, causing intestinal blockages, surgery, and at least one death. ⭐ Rating:...
Splat-R-Ball Dude Perfect Blaster: Named After Trick-Shot YouTubers, Marketed to Kids with Significantly Worse Aim
A high-velocity gel ball blaster that made WATCH's 10 Worst Toys list for eye injuries — because giving children projectile weapons endorsed by stunt performers is exactly as...
Cabbage Patch Snacktime Kids Doll: The Toy That Ate Children
A motorized chewing mechanism that couldn't tell the difference between plastic food and children's fingers, hair, and skin — recalled after one Christmas season ⭐ Rating: 1/5 |...
CSI Fingerprint Examination Kit: A Toy About Solving Crimes That Committed One Against Children's Lungs
The fingerprint powder contained approximately 7% tremolite asbestos — the most dangerous form of asbestos — in a kit designed for children to dust with their hands ⭐ Rating: 1/5...
Aqua Dots: The Children's Craft Toy That Was Accidentally a Schedule I Controlled Substance
Craft beads that, when swallowed by children, metabolized into GHB — the date-rape drug. Hospitalized children. Comatose toddlers. The most insane recall in toy history. ⭐...
Pillowfort Weighted Blankets: Target's Own Brand Marketed as Cozy That Became a Suffocation Hazard
Recalled for asphyxiation risk after children could become entrapped inside the removable cover — a death trap sold in the children's bedding aisle ⭐ Rating: 1/5 | Category: Baby...
Onasti Toddler Tower Stools: The Product Designed to Help Kids Reach New Heights Helped Them Reach the ER
Recalled after causing brain injuries — foldable plastic that could collapse under a toddler or tip over during use ⭐ Rating: 1/5 | Category: Baby & Kids | Tone: Dark...
Cumbor Retractable Baby Safety Gates: A Safety Gate So Poor That It Was Itself the Hazard
A child's torso could fit through the gap — defeating the entire concept of a gate, which is a barrier that prevents passage ⭐ Rating: 1/5 | Category: Baby & Kids | Tone: Dark...
CheerKid Baby Bath Seats: Designed to Keep Babies Safe in Water, Tipped Babies INTO Water
A bath seat recalled for tipping over during use — the one thing a bath seat must not do, it did ⭐ Rating: 1/5 | Category: Baby & Kids | Tone: Dark Humor --- A baby bath seat...
Baby Shark Bath Toys: Baby Shark Doo Doo Doo Doo Became Baby Shark OW OW OW OW
7.5 million recalled after 12 children were impaled on a hard plastic dorsal fin — because someone designed a children's bath toy with a stabbing hazard ⭐ Rating: 1/5 | Category:...
The 4moms MamaRoo: The $250 Smart Baby Swing That Forgot About the Strangulation Hazard
A high-tech swing with five motion settings, Bluetooth connectivity, and a strap design that killed at least one infant and injured others ⭐ Rating: 1/5 | Category: Baby & Kids |...
The Boppy Infant Lounger: The Softer the Marketing, the More Dangerous It Was
Recalled after infant suffocation deaths — the pillowy sides marketed as 'cozy' created the conditions that took babies' lives ⭐ Rating: 1/5 | Category: Baby & Kids | Tone: Dark...
Fisher-Price Rock 'n Play Sleeper: The Infant Sleeper So Deadly It Had to Be Recalled Twice
Approximately 100 infant deaths. 4.7 million units recalled. An inclined design that caused suffocation. And a product that had to be re-recalled in 2023 because people were still...
Brazilian Blowout: The Hair Treatment Labeled 'Formaldehyde Free' That Contained 60 Times the Legal Limit of Formaldehyde
A salon treatment that literally embalmed your hair while the label said it didn't, resulting in a $4.5 million settlement and thousands of stylists breathing carcinogens ⭐...
The BabyGenius Learning Tablet: Screen Time Your Pediatrician Warned You About
A "educational" tablet for toddlers that teaches them nothing except how to drain a battery in 45 minutes and throw a tantrum when it dies.