Redfall Review: A Bloodsucking Disaster
Arkane's open-world vampire shooter that drained all the fun
If a vampire could suck the soul out of gaming, it would be Redfall. Arkane Studios, known for crafting masterpieces like Dishonored, decided to take a hard left turn and deliver this flaming dumpster full of shattered dreams and overpriced misery. Strap in — this one's so bad it's almost an art form.
Gameplay: How I Learned to Hate Movement
Imagine being handed a shooter where the gunplay is so awful, you'd rather fistfight the vampires with your broken hopes and dreams. This is a shooter, Arkane. If you can't get that right, what are we even doing here? The movement? Sluggish. It feels like you're wading through molasses in clown shoes. "I can't even leave the firehouse" is a sentiment shared by far too many players — this isn't survival horror, it's Stockholm Syndrome in digital form.
Graphics: Welcome to 2005
Ah, next-gen gaming — where "next-gen" apparently means "graphics so bad you'll wonder if your console is broken." The textures look like someone smeared Vaseline over your screen and called it a day. One review perfectly described it: "This game is so messy and unfinished it just plays really bad." And good luck admiring whatever atmosphere exists when you can't maintain an online connection long enough to explore.
Always Online: You're Never Alone (Unless You Want to Be)
“Strap in — this one's so bad it's almost an art form”
Click to TweetThe real boss of Redfall isn't a vampire — it's your Wi-Fi router. You can't even play single-player without proving your devotion to the Bethesda overlords. "Create a Bethesda account just to play? No thanks. Returned." That's the story for countless players who never even met their first vampire.
Story: Or Lack Thereof
What's Redfall's story? We're not sure, and neither are the developers. With barely any cinematics or character development, you're left with mostly subtitles to read and a plot that feels like someone started writing it, got distracted by a squirrel, and just sent whatever they had to production.
Value: A $70 Lesson in Regret
One player is reportedly framing the game case as a reminder to never pre-order an AAA game again. Forget survival horror — this is financial horror at its finest. At most it's worth $15, and even then we'd recommend spending that on literally anything else.
Final Thoughts: Burn It with Stake and Fire
Redfall isn't a video game. It's a cautionary tale — a haunting reminder of how AAA studios can take $70 and turn it into an interactive existential crisis. If this is next-gen gaming, we might as well go back to Tetris on a Nokia phone. Skip this one. Redfall deserves every stake to the heart — and maybe a few to its servers for good measure.
✅What to Buy Instead
DOOM Eternal (2020)
A symphony of destruction with razor-sharp combat, stunning graphics, and gunplay that actually feels phenomenal. This is what Redfall should have been.
Resident Evil Village (2021)
Gothic atmosphere, tight combat, and a gripping storyline. A masterclass in survival horror that delivers everything Redfall promised but could not execute.
Borderlands 3 (2019)
Smooth, addictive gunplay with countless weapons and seamless co-op. Proof that loot-driven shooters can be wildly fun — and not a $70 scam.
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