The Slobstopper: An Adult Bib Whose Website Had to Assure Visitors 'This Is REAL!' Which Is Never a Good Sign
A full-length bib for grown adults who spill coffee, with the tagline energy of 'if she finds out you wear this, it won't be stains keeping you single'
When a product's own website must include the phrase "This is REAL!" — in capital letters, with an exclamation mark — the product has failed at the most basic level of consumer confidence. A product that has to announce its own reality is a product that most people assume is a joke. The Slobstopper is a product most people assume is a joke.
It is not a joke. It is a full-length adult bib — a waterproof, stain-resistant fabric shield that clips around your neck and drapes over your torso, covering you from collar to lap while you eat, drink coffee, or perform any other activity that risks getting food on your shirt.
A bib. For adults. Named "Slobstopper." The name combines "slob" — a word nobody wants applied to them — with "stopper" — implying that you are a slob and this product stops the slob. The name is an insult and a product description simultaneously. It calls you a slob and offers to help. It diagnoses and prescribes in a single word. It is the least flattering product name since the Comfort Wipe (a toilet paper stick) and the most self-defeating branding decision since Gerber Singles (baby food for adults).
The Slobstopper is designed for the commute — specifically, for people who drink coffee in the car and occasionally spill it on their work clothes. This is a real problem that real people have. The solution, however, is not a bib. The solution is a travel mug with a lid. The technology that prevents coffee from reaching your shirt is a $10 travel mug, not a $25 full-body bib that you remove at a stoplight before walking into the office, balling up the evidence and shoving it in your bag before your coworkers see it.
Because if your coworkers see it, you are the person at the office who wears a bib. You are the Slobstopper adult. You are the person whose morning routine includes: shower, dress, clip on bib, commute, remove bib, hide bib, pretend you don't own a bib. This is not a routine. This is a secret life.
The Glorious User Experience
Dan from Boston, MA — ★☆☆☆☆
"I wore the Slobstopper during my commute. It covered me from chin to thighs. I looked like a very large baby in a very small car. At a red light, the driver next to me looked over. He looked at my bib. He looked at my face. He looked at my bib. I could see the process happening in real time — the intake of visual information, the processing, the conclusion. His conclusion was visible on his face. His face said: 'That man is wearing a bib.' I removed the Slobstopper at the next red light and accepted the coffee stains as the cost of dignity. One star."
Rachel from Phoenix, AZ — ★☆☆☆☆
"The Slobstopper works. I'll give it that. Coffee hit the bib instead of my blouse. The bib repelled the liquid. My blouse was saved. My self-respect was not saved, because I was wearing a bib called a Slobstopper, and the name alone is an assault on the ego of any adult who has mastered hand-eye coordination but occasionally encounters a speed bump. One star for the stain protection. Negative five stars for the name. Net: one star."
Mike from Seattle, WA — ★☆☆☆☆
“A product that has to announce its own reality is a product that most people assume is a joke”
Click to Tweet"My girlfriend found the Slobstopper in my car. She held it up. She read the name. 'Slobstopper,' she said, slowly, the way you'd read the name of a disease you've just been diagnosed with. Then she said, 'Is this a bib?' I said yes. She said, 'For you?' I said yes. She put it down. She looked out the window. She was making a decision. The decision was not about the bib. The decision was about us. We survived. The Slobstopper did not. One star."
The Slobstopper Website — ★★★★★
"This is REAL!"
(The fact that they had to say this is the entire review.)
The Verdict
The Slobstopper is an adult bib that protects your clothes from spills while destroying your credibility, your dignity, and potentially your relationship. It works as a stain barrier. It fails as a product anyone can use without becoming the subject of a story their coworkers tell at happy hour.
A travel mug with a lid prevents the spill entirely. A Tide pen removes the stain after it happens. Both solutions are invisible to onlookers. The Slobstopper is visible, named after a slob, and requires you to wear a bib in your car like a toddler who hasn't mastered drinking from a cup.
The website says "This is REAL!" The website is correct. It is real. It is really a bib. For adults. Named Slobstopper. In a world where travel mugs exist.
We rate it 1 out of 5 adult dignities.
If you want to protect your clothes without wearing a bib, see our alternatives below.
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✅What to Buy Instead
Tide To Go Stain Remover Pen
Instant stain treatment in your pocket. Invisible. Effective. Nobody knows you have it. The opposite of a bib named Slobstopper.
Scotchgard Fabric Protector
Spray your clothes to repel stains before they happen. Invisible protection. No bib. No name. No website that has to announce its own reality.
Drinking Carefully
A skill most humans master by age 5. Free to learn. Free to practice. Doesn't require purchasing a garment called a Slobstopper.
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