The UroClub: A Hollow Golf Club You Urinate Into, with a Privacy Towel, Because Someone Decided This Was Better Than Walking to the Restroom
A fake golf club with a reservoir inside and an included towel for 'discretion' — the most confidently insane product in As-Seen-On-TV history
The UroClub is a hollow golf club — shaped like a driver — with a screw-off top and an internal reservoir that holds approximately half a liter of liquid. The liquid is urine. Your urine. The UroClub is a golf club you pee in.
It comes with a towel. The towel clips to your waistband and drapes over the club while you're using it, providing what the manufacturer describes as "privacy." You stand on the golf course, holding a club at waist height, with a towel draped over it, and you urinate into the club while your golf partners stand nearby wondering why you've stopped playing to stand motionless with a towel over your driver for forty-five seconds.
The "discretion" the towel provides is approximately the discretion of a magician's cape: everyone knows something is happening beneath it. Nobody is fooled. The towel doesn't make the act invisible. The towel makes the act visible AND mysterious, which is worse. A man standing on a golf course holding a towel-draped golf club at waist height for forty-five seconds is not discreet. He is the OPPOSITE of discreet. He is the most visually conspicuous person on the fairway. Every golfer within line of sight is now looking at towel-club-man and asking themselves: "What is that man doing with that towel?"
Golf courses have restrooms. Every golf course has restrooms. They are located at the clubhouse, at the turn (between holes 9 and 10), and often at additional locations on the course. The restrooms have toilets. The toilets have plumbing. The plumbing goes somewhere that is not a golf club. The existing solution for urinating on a golf course is: walk to the restroom. Duration: 2-3 minutes. Equipment: your legs.
The UroClub's solution: purchase a $25 fake golf club, add it to your bag, excuse yourself from your foursome, stand on the fairway holding a towel-draped club at your midsection, urinate into a hollow metal tube, screw the cap back on, and return to play with a club full of warm urine in your golf bag for the remaining holes.
You now have a bag of clubs. One of them is full of pee. For the rest of the round. In the sun. Getting warmer.
The Vision: Pee on the Fairway (Discretely) (Not Discretely)
The UroClub was marketed to golfers who don't want to leave the course to use the restroom — a concern that implies either a bladder condition or a level of commitment to golf that supersedes basic hygiene infrastructure. The product suggests that the two minutes it takes to walk to a restroom is an unacceptable interruption to a sport that regularly takes four to five hours per round, during which multiple other interruptions (searching for balls, waiting for slow groups, debating the rules of a provisional) are considered completely normal.
You can spend eight minutes looking for a ball in the trees. You cannot spend two minutes walking to a restroom. This is the UroClub's customer.
The product was featured on various "worst products" lists and daytime TV shows, where hosts demonstrated it with water and towels and the specific expression of a person who is holding a tube they're supposed to pee in on national television. The demonstrations were always the same: forced laughter, the towel drape, the uncomfortable silence of realizing this is a real product that someone patented.
The Glorious User Experience
Greg from Scottsdale, AZ — ★☆☆☆☆
"I used the UroClub on hole 7. I draped the towel. I unscrewed the top. I committed. My golf partner walked over to see why I'd stopped and saw me standing with a towel over a golf club at my waist. He said, 'What are you doing?' I said, 'Give me a minute.' He looked at the towel. He looked at my face. He HEARD the sound. The towel does not muffle sound. The towel provides visual privacy and zero acoustic privacy. My golf partner heard me pee into a golf club and neither of us has spoken about it since. One star."
“The towel clips to your waistband and drapes over the club while you're using it, providing what the manufacturer describes as "privacy”
Click to TweetMike from Palm Beach, FL — ★☆☆☆☆
"The cap leaks. THE CAP LEAKS. The cap that seals the reservoir — the reservoir full of YOUR URINE — does not seal completely. I put the UroClub back in my bag after use. Three holes later, I reached for my 7-iron and my hand was wet. My hand was wet with urine that had leaked from the UroClub onto my other clubs. My clubs were cross-contaminated. My golf bag smelled like a bathroom. I was playing the back nine with a urinal in my bag that had compromised my entire equipment set. One star."
Dave from Dallas, TX — ★☆☆☆☆
"The restroom was 200 yards away. TWO HUNDRED YARDS. A two-minute walk. I chose instead to urinate into a hollow golf club on the fairway while three other men pretended not to notice. I saved two minutes and spent the rest of the round carrying a sealed tube of my own urine in a bag on my shoulder. The two minutes I saved were not worth the four hours of urine transportation that followed. One star."
Bob from Chicago, IL — ★☆☆☆☆
"I received the UroClub as a retirement gift from my colleagues. They gathered in the conference room. They gave a speech. They presented a wrapped box. I opened it in front of thirty coworkers. It was a golf club you pee in. My retirement gift was a urinal. The card said 'For all those long rounds!' with a winky face. I have worked with these people for twenty-two years. One star for the product. I'm re-evaluating the relationships."
The Verdict
The UroClub is a hollow golf club with a reservoir for urine, a towel for "privacy," and a cap that leaks, sold to men who would rather pee into a tube on a fairway and carry it in their bag for four hours than walk two minutes to a restroom that has plumbing.
Golf courses have restrooms. The restrooms are free. The restrooms don't leak. The restrooms don't require a privacy towel. The restrooms don't compromise your other clubs with urine residue. The restrooms exist. USE THEM.
The UroClub is the most confidently insane product in As-Seen-On-TV history — a product that solves a problem (needing to pee) by creating a worse problem (carrying pee in your golf bag) using a method (peeing into a tube on a fairway while draped in a towel) that is objectively less dignified than the problem it solves.
We rate it 1 out of 5 dignified pees.
If you need to use the restroom on a golf course, use the restroom on the golf course. See our alternatives below.
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✅What to Buy Instead
Using the Actual Restroom
Golf courses have restrooms. Every. Single. One. Walk there. Use it. Walk back. Your clubs remain uncontaminated. Revolutionary plumbing technology.
Nalgene Wide Mouth Bottle
If you genuinely, truly, medically cannot make it to a restroom, a wide-mouth bottle is less conspicuous than a golf club with a towel. We're not proud of this recommendation.
GoGirl Female Urination Device
If outdoor urination is truly unavoidable, proper camping/hiking devices exist. For actual outdoor situations. Not golf courses. Which have restrooms.
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